As Mother’s Day approaches it is the first year that I am not running out to shop for my mom. Seeing the Mother’s Day cards stings this year. Ordering flowers hurts. Seeing all the posts on Facebook makes Sunday a bitter sweet day. I am blessed to have an amazing mother. A mom who taught me how to be strong, how to drive, how to dance and how to really LIVE life! However, this year is different.
On April 18th I said goodbye to my sweet baby girl at 14 weeks of pregnancy. It was one of the hardest days of my life and I have never felt so alone in my life.
I know now, I am not alone. That you, like me, have a little sting when it comes to Mother’s day because your baby is in heaven like mine.
There won’t be a Mother’s Day card, breakfast in bed, flowers on your counter. Because, outside your close group of friends, no one knows that for that short time, you were a mother and so for the rest of your life, you are a mom.
When someone asks you if you have kids it stings. Then when they pry as to why not, it’s hard not to get upset, frustrated or even angry because they don’t know the struggle you are facing each day.
I have learned in this experience not to ask a lot of questions anymore. To not assume anymore. To listen more than talk.
I had never heard the term Rainbow Babies until April 18th but now, every time it starts to rain and the sun shines through just enough to see the colors in the sky, I can’t help but tear up.
So for all my Rainbow Baby moms, I feel you. Truly and deeply, feel you.
I know Sunday will be hard for you and I know you may not hear but I want you to know Happy Mother’s Day. You have a sweet angel in heaven watching over.