You only had ONE thing to do! And you totally blew it. This week, all these folks had ONE job!


I get you hate spiders.  I get it! However, if you are going to kill a spider make sure you don’t do it was FIRE! It all happened in California and this guy is terrified of spiders and he tried to put it out with a BLOWTORCH and he ended up setting his apartment on fire. Once he realized he had set the place on fire he tried to put it out with the garden hose but that didn’t work so the fire department came.

Final tally: $14,000 worth of damage and NO idea if the spider was killed!


For a few minutes there, it looked like Gerrit Cole needed to pack his bags for Houston.

If you only follow baseball when the Astros win the World Series (yay!), Cole is the Pittsburgh Pirates pitching ace. Cole’s name has circulated in trade rumors for the past month or so. Then, GREAT NEWS! Gerrit was supposedly getting traded to the Houston Astros on Wednesday morning. In fact, many of the usual news-breaking reporters who cover MLB said it was a DONE DEAL.

The excitement of it all was tempered when Yahoo Sports’ Jeff Passan tweeted that a source told him it was “a false rumor.” Astros GM Jeff Luhnow later said a deal was not in place.

Jeff Luhnow, you are messing with every Astros fan in Houston! Get this trade done. YOU HAVE ONE JOB!!!


This story made me feel so bad for this guy but then also made me SMH.

Brian Ingberg, the owner of Cafe 33, started the new year with a loss. His $1.3 million uninsured bottle of Russo-Baltique Vodka was STOLEN.

According to police, nothing else was stolen from Ingberg’s bar.

(Nothing else? Like, does he have MORE THAN ONE bottle of $13 million dollar vodka??)

“I am obviously very upset, It was the icing on the cake in my collection,” the Copenhagen, Denmark, bar owner said of the bottle, which he says he had in his possession for nearly six months. “Of the 1,200 bottles I have, this was a very special bottle to have there.”

So what makes this bottle so expensive?

According to Fortune, the high value of the vodka comes not from the actual contents, but from the bottle itself. “The bottle is covered with roughly 6.6 pounds of gold, as wells 6.6 pounds of silver. The cap is in encrusted with diamonds in the shape of the Russian Imperial Eagle. On its front is a photo of a vintage car, and the actual bottle is made of bullet-proof glass, in case you get involved in some James Bond-level martini drinking.”

So to this bar owner who lost the world’s most expensive bottle of vodka: YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!


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