You Had One Job!

We're bringing you this week's biggest FAILS in YOU HAD ONE JOB!

March 8, 2019

Sarah-

A woman in Germany called police to report that her husband had been MURDERED! The good news is when police arrived they saw him and he's fine, he hadn't been murdered! She had just told them that because she thought they would arrive faster so that she could have them tow the car that was blocking her car in.

That's NOT how 911 works!

Of course now she is facing a HUGE fine and possible charges for misuse of an emergency number.

SHOCKER! She was drunk.

So you called the cops to move a car so you could drive drunk?

All you had to do was sleep it off, that car blocking you was protecting you from making a huge mistake! YOU HAD ONE JOB!

Geoff-

We have some SERIOUS political problems in our country. Yesterday, two Congressmen had it out over what some say is an unforgivable policy position: a love of Nickelback.

From Spin.com:

While debating the merits of a bill that would overhaul campaign finance and ethics laws, Rep. Mark Pocan (D-Wis.) mentioned how only four people out of 77,000 wanted to keep a particular voting rights provision. To drive that point home, he said that this is “probably about the percent of people who think Nickelback is their favorite band in this country.”

Rep. Rodney Davis (R-Ill) wasn’t in the mood for any Nickelback slander and interrupted his colleague from across the aisle to ask why he would “criticize one of the greatest bands of the ’90s?”

You can see the exchange here:

 

Lauren- 

Michael J. Weirsky from New Jersey, who has been unemployed for 15 years, and had just gotten divorced back in October, was the sole winner of the $273 million Mega Millions jackpot from last Friday. 

Michael had purchased his lucky ticket at a store near his home where he frequently purchases his lottery tickets. 

Weirsky had two tickets to check that weekend. The first ticket: not a winner, but after checking the second ticket and seeing a lot of matching numbers, he ventured out in a snowstorm to his closest retailer to scan the ticket. He read the good news in person. It was a jackpot-winning ticket! 

Michael told news outlets, "I just didn't believe it. I just didn't believe that it was me, after all these years of playing, I finally had something that said you're a bigger winner than just two dollars."

But before Michael realized he had purchased the winner ticket, he revealed something even more shocking: he almost lost the ticket right after he purchased it because he accidentally LEFT THE TICKET ON THE COUNTER AT THE STORE.

Fortunately, another customer got his attention and reminded him to grab the ticket on his way out. Michael confessed, "Paying more attention to my cell phone. I put the tickets down to put my money away. Did something with my phone and just walked away."

So to a newly divorced, unemployed, frequent-lotto-player-turned-winner Michael J. Weirsky…if THIS doesn’t teach you to stop looking at your phone and paying more attention to LIFE then you don’t deserve the millions of dollars you just won!

YOU (ALMOST) HAD ONE JOB!

ABC 13